Talking about estate planning is a difficult, emotional topic — but it's essential for every family. Unless you are certain your parents have an up-to-date will and a wider plan for what should happen if they get sick or pass away, you shouldn't assume everything will be taken care of. According to a recent survey, less than half of Americans have a will. If a parent dies intestate — without a will — it can lead to added emotional strain, stress, and serious financial implications for the entire family.
The following eight tips can help you discuss the hard topics thoroughly and respectfully, and prepare you for the road ahead.
Plan What You Can
This conversation should not happen without preparation. Make a list of topics and questions, then let your parents know what you want to discuss. If possible, set a date, choose a private venue where everyone feels comfortable, and be aware you may need several conversations — there may be too much to cover in one sitting. Use respectful, supportive language and take a breather if emotions run high.
Identify Key People
Ask your parents for the names and contact details of their:
- Doctors
- Attorney
- Financial planner and/or accountant
- Insurance brokers
- Minister of religion
- Closest friends
Address the Topic of a Will
Determine whether a will is in place and whether it is up to date. If it was created more than five years ago, ask whether they'd consider reviewing it to ensure it reflects their current wishes. Confirm where it's kept and who they've appointed as executor. The same applies to any Trust that may have been created.
Talk About Power of Attorney
Find out whether your parents have appointed someone to manage their financial and other affairs if they become incapacitated. If they haven't given someone Power of Attorney, suggest they consider doing so — it is one of the most important documents any adult can have.
Discuss End-of-Life Wishes
Even though it may be uncomfortable, discuss your parents' end-of-life wishes. Their estate plan will be incomplete without these directives. In Pennsylvania, these include:
- Appointment of a health care proxy to make medical decisions if they become incapable of making those decisions themselves
- A medical or advance directive explaining what care they would like and whether life support should be used
- A Living Will containing instructions regarding withdrawal or termination of life support under specific conditions
- Physician Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatment (POLST), providing explicit directives about treatment preferences
Ask About Insurance Policies
Talk about the types of insurance policies in place, including:
- Health insurance — Medicare or private
- Life insurance
- Home insurance
- Long-term care insurance
- Disability insurance
- Any funeral or burial insurance
Note the names and contact details of insurance brokers, check where policy documents are kept, and make certified copies if possible.
Request Access to Tax Returns
It can be helpful to know where tax return paperwork is stored. While these documents may not be necessary after death, they could be required if the estate becomes complicated. Confirm where they are kept and that they are all up to date.
Discuss All Other Practicalities
Additional topics to cover include:
- A list of all financial accounts — bank, mutual fund, credit, and store accounts
- Whether they are registered organ donors or would consider it
- The memorial service they want — burial, cremation, or other preferences
"Estate planning conversations are tough, no matter how you tackle them. Try your best to be patient with your parents and transparent with other family members about what you are doing."
Accept that these talks can take time and avoid pressuring anyone to get it all done in a few hours. The smaller details are critical and should not be rushed. Always consult an elder law attorney if you're unsure about the legal aspects or implications of any of the points above.